self-care / part 7: forgiving someone

self-care series
((part seven of eight))

words can cut like the sharpest knife. abandonment hollows you. neglect and selfishness are a toxic poison we've all drank. we're all victims in some form. no one is spared from emotional abuse, it's the root of our humanity. survival of the fittest. save yourself.

i still remember harsh words spoken to me when i was a child. i remember being very young, and a girl in my neighborhood pointing and laughing at me with her friends. she was taunting me for my (pre-braces) crooked teeth. i was horrified, but also very aware of one thing... this girl's teeth were more crooked than mine. 

it was a lesson i learned early in life which shaped my worldview. the one that hurt you has been hurt before. bullies are the most broken. hatred is a weed that grows when love isn't there to pluck it out. 

so while there's no excuse for treating another person poorly, knowing that the cold heart is a broken heart can give us a powerful tool to carry throughout our entire lives. 

the first step is recognizing the darkness in the person that hurt us. we're all broken, we're all bleeding. but it's up to you to rise above the injustices of life. it's up to you to fight for your happiness. 

i've been told that holding a grudge is like drinking poison in an attempt to hurt someone else. we only hurt ourselves. somehow it's easier to hold onto the hurt. we can cling to it and control it. maybe we think that if we let it go it will grow. that holding it tight keeps it at bay. but this is simply not true. it is a shackle at our feet for which we have the key. 

forgive him for you. forgive her for you. only you can set yourself free from bitterness and the heavy weight of anger.

there is one thing i'd like to clarify. forgiveness does not mean approval. it doesn't mean that you're saying that what they did to you was okay. you're merely accepting it as a part of your story. a coal in the fire of the kiln that shapes you. you're making peace with the fact that the person that broke you is more broken than you. it's wishing healing and wholeness for them, despite what it seems they deserve. 

we are all on a journey. as humans we will hurt people, despite our best efforts not to. if you are holding tight to pain in your palm, releasing it is one of the best things you can do for yourself. it can be a process, take your time. you deserve to be free. 



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  1. Yes, Ashley!! Thank you. That's so good. "forgiveness does not mean approval. it doesn't mean that you're saying that what they did to you was okay. you're merely accepting it as a part of your story." that is such an important distinction. When we can let go without bitterness, then we can be more free!

  2. "Words can cut like the sharpest knife" is one of the truest statements I've heard in a long time. Your entries help me so much, especially recently because it feel like I have no one to turn to and these make me feel like I have someone to relate to without feeling completely rejected by society. Many of the things you post apply to my life recently and I can't stress enough how much this helps me through things. Thank you for expressing yourself and putting your words and poems out there for people to read.

  3. This is so true that forgiving someone is so difficult but once you do it,it give you immense happiness. But yeah you are right that by forgiving someone doesnt give him authority to repeat the mistake again.