for as long as i can remember, depression and anxiety have been in my life like distant relatives.

sometimes we go years without seeing each other. and then all of a sudden they show up at my front door. somehow without even opening the door they're inside, ready to get to know me. they're in my life now like an infection, eating my food, breaking my things. and they always overstay their welcome.

but eventually, usually slowly, they're packing their bags, and leave in the night without saying goodbye.

i know they're gone, but their cigarette smell lingers in the house and i can't get all the stains out that they made. they've left an imprint and i know one day they'll be back. 

but i breathe deeply, knowing i'm free for now.

what i'm trying to say, friend, is that there are seasons. it can get very dark and cold sometimes. but the sun is always there behind the clouds, you've just got to hold on until they clear. 

i don't always know what season i'm in. sometimes all i can do is get through the day ahead of me and brace myself for the night. sometimes i wake up to the soft glow of morning and feel the warm embrace of spring. 

these highs and lows are like paint colors on my life's canvas. they make life beautiful. they make life vibrant. 

maybe the paint brush doesn't seem to be in your hand, but i can promise you it's sweeping in a beautiful dance, each stroke a pendulum swinging with your heartbeat and when you step back, it's a more perfect masterpiece than you could possibly dream.

keep holding on. the sun will be out soon.



Listening to:

Zee Avi - Concrete Walls


  1. Thank you so much. You've given me more hope than you'll ever know. <3

  2. This was so beautiful, thank you:)

  3. I was just crying in the shower and praying for someone to tell everything will be okay...thank you Ashley. You hold on too.

  4. Reading your blog gives me so much hope. Thank you. <3

  5. I hope your day is one of the good days, with lots of sun and lots of beautiful things and people. your blog is such a beautiful thing, you're such a beautiful person ashley. people deserve better than to have bad days, days without sunshine. sending virtual hugs and kisses to whoever reads this, you are loved and precious <3.

  6. this made me very warm.

    brought my mind hope.

  7. This is very much one of your most beautiful posts. Thank you for your positivity. And funny you're listening to Concrete Wall - I am right now as well.

  8. I never thought of it like this. Now I will. Thanks for letting me realize that seasons come and go, and the next one will be brighter