conquering insecurity


I’m sitting here with this blank page in front of me and the cursor is blinking in time with my heartbeat. It’s ticking away the seconds as I debate whether or not to write about this topic, whether or not to write at all.

The thing is, I feel quite vulnerable as I go about talking about vulnerability.

If you’ve read any of my posts so far, it may seem like I have no trouble at all opening up to the dark abyss that is the seemingly endless reach of the internet. It may seem like I am talking about anxiety in the past tense as though it is something I’ve gotten a handle of. 


If you’re still reading this post so far, that image of me is about to take a new form in your mind. Because the truth is, I’m still working on it. It’s not easy for me to share these things with you. There’s still so, so much more dwelling in my depths, pain & darkness, always an echo in my mind, a faint whisper in the background of every sound I hear.

What I wish for is to take the wreckage in my life and put it together in such a way that it becomes something useful, something lovely to look at that brings us all together with its pulse of vibrant life.


What I’m wanting to do as I sit watching this taunting black cursor blinking on the white page in front me is let you in on a secret that I’ve tried to hide most of my life.

The secret is that I’m terrified.

I can honestly say that I don’t remember a time in my life when I wasn’t constantly concerned about what people thought of me. When I trudge back through the murky memories of my childhood, I think back on some of my first friendships. I made friends with some older kids in my neighborhood. We played dolls & dress up, pretending we were princesses, waiting to be rescued by our prince.

I was always playing make-believe, creating a world where I was as lovely as I believed I could never be. And if you’re a deep-feeler like me, you maybe still create these worlds in your mind. I spend so much time daydreaming of a life where my soul is at peace, where I’m one with the way I want to be and the way that I truly am. 


What I'm fighting for is a form of radical honesty that allows you to become more honest with yourself, even if only for a moment. My heart is to help you feel free to be yourself, to be a hand reaching out into this dark abyss, drawing you toward the light.

If I’m being truly honest, I am incredibly insecure. It can be so overwhelming at times that I decide not to go to the party, not to say hello to an old friend I see at the supermarket. These things may seem minor, but I never know what could have been had I not been too afraid. 

If I'm being truly honest, when I look in the mirror, I feel shame and pain. I dissect my parts like a butcher, some more valuable than others, some should be thrown away. I look at all the things I wish were different instead of the beautiful things that already are. But if everyone is truly honest, we'd realize the secret that social media and Hollywood and advertising are trying so desperately to hide.

The secret is that we're all terrified. 

Let this wash over you for a moment. And while you're cleansing, let's get to the brutal honesty: insecurity is actually a form of selfishness. We can be overcome with the fear of what people think of us, or we could take that energy and turn it into being light for others. 

So as we try to understand that everyone is insecure and everyone needs love, we can get to the root of destroying insecurity for good:

The strongest weapon against fear is love.

It’s a weapon that is always available & never runs out. It’s a smile to a stranger, a shoulder to cry on, an encouraging word. Even these small acts of love take you outside of yourself long enough to make a difference in someone else’s life and forget about the things that hurt. And the joy you give them will give your life depth & meaning and eventually, the insecurities will fade and your value will be realized.


What I want you to know is that you are precious gold. There is a warmth that only you can give, and the world is desperate for it. Please never forget this. 


xo,
Ashley


Listening to:

5 comments:

  1. Thank you so much. It feels like every word you write is written just for me. Every time I look at your new post it's always exactly what I was needing to hear. Thank you for being so brave and bareing your heart for all the world to see. Keep creating. All the love.��

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you for everything. You are so loved. And for a few moments you make me feel loved too <3

    ReplyDelete
  3. Your message of love and inspiring others is exactly what the world needs and I'm excited to spread that with you and everyone who reads your blog. You give people courage to keep eachother strong, lord bless :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. I connected with this post on a whole new level, this have been the main topic on my mind for the past few months, maybe the past year. thanks for sharing.

    hope you have a lovely week.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Keep going chica!! You're doing great!! Vulnerability is a hard one, to feel comfortable within ones own skin is a hard pill to shallow as well. There is a quote by Natasha Lyonne that I came across... (Cause I can get lost on Pinterest for hours!!) but I think relates ..." It's a wild thing, that people have the ability to help each other by relating to one another." ��

    ReplyDelete

 

ashley dun © All rights reserved · Theme by Blog Milk · Blogger